Something Called Envy
by DarkJisushiku
Summary: [SLASH] Remus is tired of being showed up by his best friend Sirius... But how are you suppose to stay mad at someone who can't stay serious? (Bad pun, I know.) Remus is letting it all out...EVERYONE DUCK AND COVER!


**Title: Something Called Envy **

Rating: PG-13 (I don't need some ten-yr-old reading a slash and being scared out of his/her wits!)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own HP, but I wished I did. I mean, who wouldn't want to own it? Even people who've never read the books want to own it! Know why? Because J. K. Rowlings is richer than the Queen!

**Warnings:** Very small, very fluffy SLASH. Don't like it, don't read it, okay? If you haven't read the 3rd, 4th, or 5th books, then don't read, because there are SPOILERS. (Of course, if you haven't read those books, why did you bother opening this fic?)

**Author's Notes:** I normally do anime fics, but after seeing the 3rd movie, I've had a strong urge to write a HP fic. My first Harry Potter one, so be as nice as you can! Please, please R&R!

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A boy with light brown hair and Gryffindor robes walked timidly out of the library. He held no books, but only held a saddened gaze. Fifteen years old and still being showed up by his best friend was riding hard on him. But by _now _someone should have noticed him. He had been going to Hogwarts for five years now for goodness sake! Someone - preferably a girl - should have had a crush on him by now. But, no... They all want to squeal and giggle over the one who'd more likely break their hearts, instead of the one who'd protect those fragile emotions! Just once... Really, just once he'd love to hear "Remus Lupin is _soo_ SEXY!" from a gorgeous girl's lips. _HA!_ he thought. _Fat chance!_

A steel grip clasped over his mouth from behind. A scream died before it reached his lips when a "Hey, Moony...!" laughed in his ear. The warmth of the breath tickled his ear drum.

He growled out a muffled "Oh, it's you" before trying to escape. But Sirius's grip tightened, so he was stranded in the halls with Sirius wound around him. Not a very pleasant experience in Remus's opinion.

Remus groaned. "Get off," he snapped the minute Sirius let go of his jaw.

"Aww... but I just wanna snuggle," teased the dark boy, ruffling Moony's hair. Normally, Remus would say something like "Not tonight, hon, I have a headache" in response. But he wasn't in the mood to joke.

"Shove off."

Sirius's smirk fell from his face, as he looked through his elegant bangs to see his friend. "Well, don't sound overjoyed to see me," he voiced with mock hurt. "I absolutely hate when people appreciate me for _skipping _weekend detention just to see them!"

Remus jerked out his entanglement and started walking briskly down the corridor. Sirius trotted to keep up with him, humming a tune while he followed. Out the windows, soft snow was falling down. Winter at Hogwarts... God, was it magnificent! The blues, silvers, grays, and whites! All shimmering down on the students of Hogwarts... A rainbow of snowy frost and angelic flakes. Snowball fights were going on as they walked, but Remus and Sirius weren't paying attention. Remus was too busy being angry at Sirius, and Sirius was too busy humming that annoying tune.

Remus suddenly stopped and spun around to face his friend. Sirius was a little taller and Remus was looking straight at his friend's chin, but that didn't stop him.

"Were you born this annoying or is this a recent development?" he stormed, using the same line he always used when he was frustrated with his friend.

"Nah, not really," his dark friend admitted offhandedly. "I was actually born serious."

Remus gave a loud, exhausted sigh as he glared at Sirius. _"PADFOOT!"_

"Wha-?" whined Sirius innocently. "I was really born that way - _S-I-R-I-U- S_, serious!"

"Shuddup," hissed Remus, and he began walking away again. Sirius followed behind his friend, his light-heartedness shining through as he strutted.

"Aww," Padfoot sighed. "Are you mad at me?"

Remus ignored him, his anger building. Walking slightly faster, Sirius was having to jog to keep up. But the boy didn't care. He was angry and he didn't want Sirius's jokes getting him off the hook this time.

"What did I do? Forget to feed your doggy kibble this morning?" teased his dark friend lightly.

"I'm serious!" shouted Remus, now running from his friend.

"No! _I'm _Sirius!" barked the boy behind him, grabbing Remus's leg and tripping him. Once Remus was on the floor, Sirius straddled his back and pinned him down. Oh, and you can bet how glad the straddled boy was that the hallway was empty. "Come on, Moony, what have I done this time? It's no fun to have you hate me if I don't even know what I've done!"

"This shouldn't be fun!" screamed Remus, fury consuming him. He twisted underneath Padfoot and sat up, so now Sirius was sitting in his lap. **SLAP!** The palm of his hand meet Sirius's cheek, leaving a fiery mark.

_"OWWW!"_ howled the boy, scrambling off his friend. His hand was fiercely rubbing his swollen cheek, his face now consorted with unimaginable pain. "You _SLAPPED_ me!"

"Observant, aren't you?" muttered Remus, rolling his eyes. He got up off the floor and gave Sirius a well-deserved kick in the shins.

"HEY!" Padfoot moaned, still patting his beaten cheek. "It this beat-up-Sirius-day or what?"

"Or what," replied Remus annoyed.

"I take it I did something, mate?" he tried cautiously.

"Brilliant," responded Remus, trying to leave again, but Sirius held on to his leg. A puzzled look was on his face, as he thought about all the wrongs he had done to Remus.

"Hmmm...," mused Padfoot. "I haven't borrowed money from you lately -"

"Well, actually you _have_!" Moony sniffed, glaring at him. "But that's not it."

"Oh, then... I haven't been playing any pranks on you, have I? Oh, wait! I know!"

"You do?" awed the light boy incredulously.

Sirius sniffled, "Oh woe! Woe! What a horrible, horrible git I've been to you! I'M SO SORRY, REMUS!" sobbed the Animagus. "I'M SO, SO, SO SORRY! YOU MUST HATE ME!"

"Well, it's not your fault, really." Moony was feeling slightly abashed by his friend's tearful weeps.

"YES, IT IS! IT IS!" wailed his friend, crawling up Remus's pant leg. "I'M SORRY I PUT THE HUMAN GLUE ON THE BOTTOM OF YOUR ROBES! I'M SORRY! DID YOU GET STUCK TO YOUR DESK?"

"SIRIUS!" shouted Remus, his irritation back and in style. "You did that to_ Snape,_ you idiot!"

Sirius stopped the flow of crocodile tears and let go of Remus's leg. "Oh, yeah. That wasn't you, was it?"

Remus kicked him in the ribs (but not enough to hurt him), then turned on his heel and walked away.

"Why are you mad, Remmy?" called Sirius. But his friend took a right at the nearest exit and swooped out of Sirius's view. Sighing, he got up off his knees and turned in the opposite direction. "Fine, if that's the way you want it, Moony. Two can play at this game... _**Boy, that was a bad line..."**_ And he stomped off.

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"What's wrong with them?" Peter Pettigrew, a mousy little boy, asked, nervously dividing his attention between Sirius and Remus.

It was dinner in the Great Hall and the Gryffindor Table was all a glow with noisy, meaningless chatter. Lily Evans was chatting with her friends, promptly ignoring James Potter. The messy James shrugged at Peter's comment, not really listening. Remus was seated next to Peter and across the table was Sirius and James. The two boys had exchanged glares, but not uttered a word to each other all night. James could care less. ("Why watch the odd couple, when you could be watching the girls?" he told Peter.) But Peter... Peter was honestly worried about the two. And he wasn't intelligent enough to stay out of it.

"Peter," Remus addressed the boy curtly. "Tell Sirius to pass the mashed potatoes."

"Okay," he replied, nodding. "Um, Sirius? Remus says to pass the mashed potatoes."

Sirius glared at Moony, who was conveniently looking away. "Tell Remus to shove it up his!"

"Uh... Remus? Sirius says to shove it -"

"Oh, does he?" interrupted the light haired boy. "Well, you can tell him to get lost."

"Sirius -"

"Peter, tell him that was a stupid comeback."

"Remus, Sirius says that was -"

"Tell him to go to hell!"

"Uh... Remus says -"

"Tell Remmy that he's acting like a stupid git!"

"Sirius says-"

"Well, at least I'm not a detention-fugitive!"

"Oh yeah?"

"YEAH!"

Both boys had risen to their feet and were yelling at the top of their lungs. Silence swept over the Hogwarts's students, as the best friends contiued to bicker.

"The reason you're never in detention is because you never live it up!"

"Live it up, you say? Like dating Bones, Brown, and Finnigan all at once!"

The three girls immediately stood up, ready to pounce on the two, ahem, I mean, three-timing scum.

"It's not like I'm _engaged_! I can come and go as I please!" Sirius defended himself. But by the looks the girls had, that thought wasn't being approved.

Remus shouted back, "If I had that many offers for dates, I'd a least try to pretend like I'm not a total git!"

"Wha-?"

By now, Flickwick and Dumbledore had both tried to restrain the boys. But Remus wasn't about to stop now that he had finally a chance to get it all out. He jumped up on the table and pointed an accusing finger at his best friend. "Listen up, ladies! Hogwarts's dream boy is nothing than a four, wait, five-timing git! He'll drop you the minute he sees a new piece of -"

Flickwick had done was restraining charm of some sort and he ushered the angered boy out of the Great Hall. Dumbledore did the same with Sirius. The entire student body watched them leave.

After they had gone, Peter turned to James, who cut his friend off, "Shut up right now, Wormtail. Whatever they're fighting about, it's not our problem. Now, try some of this chicken. It's really good!"

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In detention (which is where Dumbledore and Flickwick had immediately stuck them, muttering about "working it out themselves"), Sirius sat at the left side of the room, while Remus sat at the right side. There were at least four or five desks between them. They were scowling at each other, while Professor Binns slept at his desk.

A Syltherin boy named Crabbe was up at the front of the class, but otherwise they were alone. _'I hate you,_' mouthed Sirius, sneering coldly. _'Shut up, git,'_ Remus mouthed back. They continued to glare.

"Don't tell me what to do," hissed Sirius quietly. But even so, Crabbe turned to see what was happening behind him. The boys ignored him.

"If you don't like what I have to say, then stop talking to me," Moony growled back, his eyes narrowing.

"I may just will do that!" snapped Sirius, a little louder than before.

**SNORE.** All three boys jumped to see the sleeping Binns get in a more comfortable position in his chair. None of them breathed sighs of relief - they didn't want to jinx it.

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"Good night, Prongs," Sirius mumbled, snuggling into bed that night.

"'Night, Padfoot," James replied. "And g'night to Wormtail and Moony."

"Night, James," squeaked a tired voice. "'Night, Sirius and Remus. I hope you're both happier in the morning."

"Good night, all," responded Remus, but added, "_except_ Sirius."

"Love you too,_ git_."

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Deciding that they had had enough of the two's arguing, James and Peter had woken up early the next morning and left for breakfast. That left Remus and Sirius to get ready for the day in complete, agitated silence.

"Okay," sighed Sirius finally, throwing down a dirty sock. "What have I done?"

Remus took a long, hard look at his friend, before saying, "What do you have to get all the girls? I'm just as sexy, if not more sexy than you! And you're a creep -"

_"Am not!"  
_  
"Are too and you know it! You're a creep to them, and yet no one even thinks of asking me to Hogsmeade! Nope, no one cares for _'safe'_ Remus. Not one bit."

Padfoot let out a bark of laughter. "Is that all? You're just jealous? And I thought this was more important than that!" His barks rippled into silly hysteria to the extreme that he was holding his sides, because his chuckles were beginning to take their toll on his body.

The werewolf gave a snort of disappointment in his friend.

The other boy lightened up and said, "Come on, Remmy! If that was all, why didn't you just say so?"

Remus paused and looked incredulously at Sirius. Why hadn't he said anything? That would have been more reasonable than biting off his best friend's head.

Sirius laughed, shaking his head at Remus. "You're pathetic."

Moony responded by flopping down on his own four-poster bed. Sirius pushed him over a tad, then collapsed beside him. Looking up at the ceiling, Remus admitted, "Yeah, I know."

"Well, if that's all it is," Sirius drawled slyly, "it should be easy enough to fix, mate."

"I don't like the sound of that," moaned the other boy, sighing. "You gonna give me the famous 'Lessons on Kissing' like you did with Bell, Siriee?" he joked, laughing. "I just don't think getting a French Kiss from you will fix my problems."

Sirius gave him a rough slap on the arm - not the face (See where self-control can get you?) - and replied, "Remmy, try to stay serious!"

"But there can only be one of us that's _Sirius_!" tormented the boy, his shaggy light-brown hair flying away as he shook with laughter.

"That was lame, Moony."

"You've said lamer..."

"So? What's your point?"

"Whatever."

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When Sirius walked into the Great Hall that morning, he was alone, but looking happier than last night. He could sense the teachers' eyes on him, preparing to break up another fight. He could also sense many glares coming from now what were past girlfriends. He sat next to Peter and looked over at James.

"G'morning," he greeted, cheerily. He was sweaty, but no one was quit sure why.

"You and Remus make up?" Peter asked quietly, his eyes lowered on his plate.

Sirius ignored the comment and countered it with "Please, pass the butter, James." But James was in another world at the moment. Lily Evans was giggling, her fire liquid hair bouncing up and down with her rapid shakes.

"James?" Sirius raised an eyebrow when his pal mumbled, "I wonder how she'd look in my robes..."

"I'm officially disturbed," Padfoot announced to the only one who would listen - Peter. Pettigrew nodded vigorously.

"Morning, mates," called a voice behind them. James, Peter, and Sirius looked up to see Remus Lupin. Most of the Gryffindor Table went speechless at his sudden appearance. Soon the Ravenclaw, Syltherin, and Hufflepuff tables followed the suit. Even the teachers were staring. Then, like sea waves crashing against rocks, a roar of murmurs flooded the Hall.

"What?" Remus asked sheepishly.

"What the bloody hell happened to you?" hissed James, amazed.

Moony just sat down next to Sirius. "What do you mean?"

"You're -"

But Peter cut James off, shouting, "You're _sexy_!"

And he wasn't exaggeration. Sirius had trimmed Moony's ruffled hair so that it was shorted and tidier, but that his longs bangs were slanted across his eyes. Blonde highlights that framed his face had also been added with his personal stylist's wand. His right ear was also pierced with a small, gold loop earring. His robes had been fitted, so they hug all the right places on Remus. Heck, even his shoes looked suave since Sirius had cleaned them up. He smiled a genuine super-model-smile. All the girls swore that they had seen one of those fake flashes of light from Remus's white teeth, like you see in the cheesy Muggle chick-flicks. (Which they did, because of a certain top-secret spell that Padfoot swore was the key to his success!)

And Remus's moves weren't bad either. Each movement that came from him was gentle, flowing... He was like a dancer in a child's jewelry box: Sophisticated, perfect, magical (okay, not the best adjective for a wizard, but you get the point), and even charming. Whatever charms Sirius had placed on his friend, had worked really, really well.

"What?" Remus asked, acknowledging all the stares directed at him. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No... not at all... no... uh-huh...," were the answers he reached from the crowd, as everyone diverted his eyes. He beamed at Sirius and under the table he gave his buddy a "low" five.

Then he dug into his pancakes.

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"That was an interesting morning," sighed James coming out of the Great Hall. "So everything's back to normal?"

Remus nodded, but Sirius replied, "Not yet. I still need to talk to Moony and apologize for a few things."

James took the hint and dragged off the nosy Peter, as Sirius escorted Remus into a deserted classroom.

Before Padfoot could get a word in, Remus told him, "No need for apologies, Padfoot. I'm the one who should be sorry and I really am. It was irrational of me to get so worked up over something that wasn't even your fault. Oh, and thanks for the make over! This is great! Maybe I'll actually get a date this year!"

Sirius laughed, patting his friend on the back. "Yeah, I know. But I lied. I don't want to apologize. I just brought you here to give you some advice."

"Oh?" Moony's smile widening. "Giving dating advice now? Well, master, I am ready to learn." He did a funky bow, like the ones in the kung-fu movies.

"Then, young grasshopper," played Sirius, surprisingly keeping a straight face. "Firstly, you must never let such sexiness get to that smart brain of yours!"

Remus bowed again, inwardly laughing.

"Secondly, you must never use Bobbleton's Shampoo. It shall make your hair frizzy and drag you to the Dark Side!"

"Have you been watching those Muggle Star Wars Movies again?" his friend asked, bowing again.

"And thirdly - hey, is _'thirdly'_ even a word?" Sirius scratched his chin, thoughtfully. "I mean, you don't really hear anyone use the word 'thirdly,' so..."

"Oh, wise and powerful sensei, COME BACK TO EARTH!" shouted Remus, causing his best friend to jump nearly three feet off the ground.

Sirius looked slightly flustered when he hit the ground, but recovered. "_Thirdly,_ (if that's a word) I want you to remember your great, wonderful, kind, courageous, cunning, lovable, cuddly -"

"Cuddly?" questioned Remus, trying hard not to burst out in giggles.

"Hey," snarled Padfoot, snapping his fingers in "M" swerve only inches from Remus's nose, in a very "gangsta' girl" mode. "Don't hate me 'cause I'm cuddly!"

The shorter boy now broke up into tearful laughter.

"ANYWAY!" shouted Sirius, bringing Remus's attention back to the matter at hand. "_Thirdly_ -"

"If there is a word such as thirdly," the werewolf helped.

"Yeah, because if it isn't not a word, what I mean is 'third,'" he explained, getting sidetracked again. "Oh, where was I? Never mind, I know! Thirdly, young grasshopper -"

"Yes, oh wise sensei?"

Sirius frowned. "Could you shut up for five minutes so I can finish? Thank you, Moony... Anyway, young, ANNOYING grasshopper -"

"Just get on with it," snapped Remus playfully.

Sirius put on a deadly, serious face (no pun intended). "Remmy, if you don't shut the hell up, you'll be demoted to young cricket -"

"- better than old cricket, I guess."

"REMUS!" Straightening up, Sirius concluded, "Okay, thirdly - QUIET - young cricket - SHUT UP - you must remember your great, wonderful, kind, courageous, cunning, lovable, cuddly, sexy, hott, handsome, suave, sophisticated -"

"Sirius, that was the bell! GET ON WITH IT!"

"Just don't forget me, because I got you where you are and I can make you uglier than you were before!" he finalized swiftly.

But before Remus could rush to class, Sirius did something very unexpected. He gave him a light, chaste kiss on the lips. Winking, the Animagus sailed out of that classroom like hell was on his heels. Whistling a dog call for Remus to join him, the boy just sunk to his knees.

"...this is going to be an _interesting_ year..."

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**THE END**

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**A/N's**: Okay, pointless, fluffy, and really silly, ne? But we all need some silliness in our lives, correct? Well, I hope you think so! Ah, boyhood drama! Any olde ways, R&R! Oh, VampiricGooesy, I know you'll_ LOVE_ this one! ((massive giggles))


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